i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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