I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
