Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
