Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
