I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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