babies were throwing up all over the place
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
