im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
