She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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