I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize