i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
