Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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