just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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