Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
