just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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