I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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