Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
