My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
