I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
