I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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