my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
