Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
