Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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