i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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