i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
