You're completely useless in the revolution.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
