Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize