and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
