Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
