So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
