So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I enjoy the company of your penis
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
