can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
