Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize