She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
