So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
