Nicole vs. Life
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
