she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think I sprained my soul last night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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