Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
