I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
