guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
