It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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