marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This is the high leading the old right now
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize