I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I looked at my own cervix.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
