He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
