Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize