You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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