i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
