i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
