We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
As shirtless as possible
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
