Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
