Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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