she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
