WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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