Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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