Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
