I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
