been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
