and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
