i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
