I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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