Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
