I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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