You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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