Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
