Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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