Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
