Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
