I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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