The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Barsexuality is the new black.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
