What did we do last night that was yellow?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
