I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
