did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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