I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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