It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
