I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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