we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
