just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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