She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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