i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
