I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
